What Does Benching Mean in Dating?
You might have been benched if you’ve ever felt like someone is “keeping you around” but never really committing. In modern dating, benching means putting someone on the sidelines, like a sports player waiting to be called into the game, while the person being benched explores other options. You’re not completely ghosted, but you’re not a priority either.
People bench others for many reasons: fear of commitment, insecurity, or simply wanting the ego boost of attention without the effort of building a real relationship.
What Are the Common Signs of Benching?
Not sure if you’re being benched? Look for these red flags:
- Inconsistent communication: They text you randomly, with long gaps in between.
- Cancelled plans: They make plans but often back out at the last minute.
- Convenience texting: They only reach out when bored, drunk, or lonely.
- Mixed signals: They say things that make you feel special, but never follow up with real action.
- Emotional breadcrumbs: Just enough attention keeps you hooked, but never enough to feel secure.
📖 SoulFact: According to Psychology Today, benching is a growing trend in online dating, where apps encourage keeping multiple “maybes” instead of committing to one
How Is Benching Different from Breadcrumbing or Ghosting?
While all three are toxic dating behaviors, they’re not the same:
- Ghosting: They vanish completely without explanation.
- Breadcrumbing: They send flirty messages with no intention of commitment.
- Benching: They keep you waiting as a backup option, while occasionally engaging to maintain your interest.
💡 Breadcrumbing is about attention. Benching is about control.
What Is the Emotional Impact of Benching in Relationships?
Being benched isn’t just frustrating; it can profoundly affect your mental health. Common impacts include:
- Lower self-esteem (you feel “not good enough”).
- Increased anxiety, second-guessing every text or interaction.
- Confusion about where you stand.
- Feeling disposable or undervalued.
📖 SoulFact: A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that ambiguous relationship behaviors (like benching) can cause more stress than outright rejection.
How Should You Respond If You’re Being Benched?
Here’s how to take back control:
- Recognize the pattern – If their actions don’t match their words, that’s a sign.
- Set boundaries – Let them know what you will and won’t tolerate.
- Communicate directly – Ask them where they see the relationship going.
- Walk away if needed – Protect your peace. You deserve consistency, not confusion.
Can Benching Ever Lead to a Healthy Relationship?
The hard truth? Rarely. Unless the person acknowledges their behavior and actively changes, benching usually signals emotional unavailability. Healthy relationships are built on clarity, respect, and effort, not waiting on the sidelines.
Final Thought
Benching in dating may sound casual, but it has profound emotional consequences. If someone is keeping you as a backup while you’re giving your best, it’s time to ask yourself: Do I want to sit on the sidelines, or do I deserve to play in a relationship where I’m truly valued?
👉 Not sure if you’re being benched or just overthinking? Try SoulBot’s Relationship Red Flags Check.
👉 Need instant clarity on dating struggles? Chat with SoulBot AI for judgment-free advice anytime.
